My First Father’s Day Without My Father

I originally posted this on June 18, 2012 on another web site

This web site is the hardest thing I have ever done, although I will admit it does get easier the more I work with it. One of the reasons I chose this format to display our work was the blog feature. Ever since I was in the third grade and wrote the poem “When I Grow Up”, I’ve wanted to be a writer. My family has done nothing but encourage me from that moment.

My father passed in February, 18 months after he was diagnosed with Stage 4 Kidney Cancer. Those 18 months were some of the hardest , saddest, most joyful moments of my life. Cancer is ugly. The things it does to your body I would wish on no one. To this day my heart is full of pity and pride from watching my father fight that battle.

Soon after the funeral my family gathered in church again. This time for the baptism of my brother’s children. Walking out of the church my brother said, looking up, “there Dad, now that’s taken care of “. I smiled at him and asked “what do you mean by that?”
“Dad was always after me to find a church” he said, “to get the kids baptized, and to pray every day”.

Now, my step mother had said this umpteen times since my dad passed, but honestly I thought she was making it up (with the best intentions, of course) in order to coerce us to church. I never heard my father say that, at least not in 20 years or more.
Just then my sister piped in then and said “Yeah, dad was always saying that”.
“Really?” I asked incredulously. I don’t think he said it to me.

I was quiet for a while as we rode back to the house. I spent a lot of time with my father in the last 18 months. We talked about a lot of things. We talked about religion but I couldn’t remember ever talking about MY religion. I wonder why. I don’t know if I will ever know.

I DO, however remember what he would ask me every time I saw him. “Have you been writing?” and “When are you going to start writing again?”

He enjoyed my pictures, though and they made for a lot of philosophical, humorous, and sometimes downright silly conversations. Sometimes he would make fun of me and say “you sure do take a lot of pictures”. But he always asked to see them and he always asked “Are you writing? When are you going to start writing again?”

There Dad, now that’s taken care of.

Happy Father’s Day Dad
Love,
~ Dawn