Catch phrases and single words are quite popular today. You see them everywhere; messages of encouragement and inspiration. Hope. Believe. Love. Faith. Family. They are all good words and I am sure for one person or another they mean something very special; just like my word means to me.
My word is JoY. I discovered it while going through divorce number two. The same time that I discovered digital photography; and yes I DO believe there is a connection. Truth be told I think all of those words are connected and they all lead back to JoY; which of course makes my word the best one.
Now don’t misunderstand me I am by no means equating JoY with divorce (one of the ugliest words in the English language, by the way). But what I am saying is that the pain and process I went through during the divorce brought me to a certain place and in that place is where I discovered JoY.
I took neither of my divorces very well. In fact I am quite certain that I suffered above and beyond what many people do. Some people might think that I say that for sympathy or attention but the truth is I am ashamed to admit it. I only say it to own it. I think I could have been a lot stronger and at least as far as divorce number one goes I know I did my oldest children a terrible disservice by being so weak. I wouldn’t want to go return to that time and experience the emotional pain of those years but if I could repair the mistakes and the damage I did as a mother during that time, for them, I would suffer it all again, only more quietly and with a sober head on my shoulders.
One of my biggest issues along with honesty is loyalty. In fact I dare say I hold loyalty to such a high standard that even a dog would have a hard time meeting my requirements. People that know me well would expect me to insert a joke about ex husbands and dogs here. There is no need for that! This is a positive post.
But I digress.
I don’t want this blog to be about divorce. I want it to be about JoY. I want to describe JoY to you in its truest form and convince you that what you need most in your life is JoY. I want you to understand what it means so you will seek it out. You will abandon your quest for Happiness, Faith, and Love and concentrate all your efforts on JoY.
Depending on what dictionary you choose you will find the definition for JoY in many different but similar ways.
The emotion of great delight caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying.
Satisfying; that’s a good word.
JoY is also described as keen pleasure or delight.
Delight! I love that word! It’s just so; well, delightful!
Something or someone greatly valued or appreciated. That sounds like JoY is on the giving and the receiving end of that definition.
The expression or display of glad feeling; festive or gaiety. A state of happiness or bliss.
Just reading the definitions fill me with JoY.
I go on to find other definitions and read: A feeling of great pleasure that comes from a sense of well being.
It all makes sense to me now.
It’s a long journey from the depths of divorce to where the light is that allows you to see again, to where the air is that allows you to breathe. I remember struggling to get to the top, so I could see, so I could breathe. I would make myself get up, make myself take a shower, make myself go to work. I would make myself smile. I would make myself accept invitations; I would make myself go alone. I would make myself do these things so that the despair wouldn’t bring me back down. I fought for every step that got me closer to the light and I made up my mind that I couldn’t concede any ground; ever.
Finally a Christmas, not the first one, not even the second, I don’t know which one but I knew long before it got there that I was going to be alone. I prepared myself. I made plans. I went to hear people sing carols. I went to see nativity scenes and pretty lights. I went alone, with my camera; it had become my steady companion by this time. I didn’t just do these things, see these things, or even just photograph these things, I immersed myself in them. I let go of loneliness and perceptions and I embraced my singleness, I embraced the season and I became aware of JoY.
There are a lot of people out there who are filled with negativity and sadness. They try to steal my JoY. Not for their own use, mind you, they simply want to destroy her. I won’t allow it!
I will gladly share my JoY with anyone any time. Shared JoY only increases her power. But I will not allow them to steal it!. I worked hard for it and I am keeping it. I believe in JoY. I have Faith in Joy. I Love JoY. JoY gives me Hope. My Family gives me JoY.
I wish for you my Friends an abundance of JoY and if ever you can’t find it I hope you will turn to me.
I am willing to share.