A Room with Two Views

This week I am participating in a new flash fiction challenge.

Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers uses a picture prompt and asks for stories between 75-175 words. The first draft of this story came in at 284 words. I got it down to 179.

This picture inspired my story.
wpid-photo-20150223191036308

Her fiancé came up behind her and massaged her shoulders. She turned from the window and forced a smile. “It’s quiet here”.

“It’s the off-season. Enjoy it. Next time it will be filled with screaming adolescents running the halls while their parents get drunk on rum”.

“Oh it’s not that bad” she scoffed, playfully hitting him in the chest.
“Where should we go for dinner?”

“Wherever makes you feel the sexiest” he leered.

He was trying to be cute but all he did was annoy her. Her father was dying and she didn’t want to leave him but he had convinced her an overnight trip would make her feel better.

The hospice nurse had encouraged her to go. “He still has a few days” she said. “Your sisters are here. You need a break.”

“I’m not very hungry. Perhaps we could grab a burger and take a walk.”

“Whatever you desire” he said. He gave her a peck and quickly caressed her breast. She felt a headache coming on.

Later he accused her of being moody and sullen.

30 thoughts on “A Room with Two Views

  1. I feel bad for her. Her fiancée seems crude and not very understanding during her time of sorrow over her Dad. “Leering” is the perfect word for him.

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  2. A room with two views, indeed. Her husband did seem insensitive, but that’s one perspective. Great, realistic conflict and show of relational issues.

    As a side note, consider combining the following lines since the narrator’s still talking: “Oh it’s not that bad,” she scoffed, playfully hitting him in the chest. “Where should we go for dinner?”

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  3. I started getting angry when he grabbed her breast. Loved the ending! Haha! Doesn’t appear to be a match made in heaven. Very good! Thank you for participating and I really hope you will continue.

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  4. I like that last sentence. It’s open as to when, exactly, later might be. Later that evening or later after they married?
    What a terrible getaway that turned out to be 😦
    Ellespeth

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  5. Ugh her husband is a jerk. Lol I think you’re evoking a lot of anger from your readers 😉 But all characters don’t have to be likable. I do like how you used the prompt picture. At first I didn’t like that he leered but after reading it through it matched the husband’s character perfectly. I would’ve liked to see her escape from her sadness of her father dying, but it didn’t feel like that worked out. I think the trip with her husband wasn’t as relaxing as it should’ve been. Nice job.

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  6. The husband in this is a complete tosser, with no thought for anyone but himself. You brought that out so well, Dawn. The whole scene gains our sympathy for the woman, whose father was dying, and the reactions of the self-centred husband alienate him to us from the start. Nicely done. 🙂

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  7. Ugh!! How frustrating for her! I don’t think his kidding did anything to take her mind off her dad. Humor is not always good – he obviously is clueless. Great job at making the reader experience the anger the wife must have been feeling!

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