Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers: Peter’s Loss

Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers uses a picture prompt and asks for stories between 75-175 words but again..I went over! I’m so sorry but some stories just cry out to be told in their entirety and this was one of them.

This picture
Inspired my story:

I knew this was going to be my favorite field trip ever. I already had a crush on Peter; he was so handsome and he smiled at me all the time. He wasn’t mean like the other boys who punched me in the arm or threw erasers at me. Peter was shy and sweet.

The aquarium was dark and romantic. I was staring at the coral reef and he came up beside me and held my hand. I looked at him in the semi-darkness and smiled back. He’s so cute! Did I already say that? Well I don’t care, he is.

We had the best time. He held my hand all day and all the other girls knew he was my boyfriend. He was my first boyfriend, really, unless you count Sammy who kissed me when I was six. I don’t count that. It was three years ago and I barely remember it.

Monday was our first day back to school after our trip but Peter wasn’t there. Everyone asked me where he was but I didn’t know. Finally after a week our teacher told us that Peter’s mother had died. She said he would be back to school soon and that we should all be extra nice to him.

I was so excited to see him but when he came back he didn’t look like my Peter at all. He wore dirty clothes and his hair wasn’t combed. He never smiled at me or anyone else any more.

I guess Peter and I broke up.

26 thoughts on “Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers: Peter’s Loss

  1. Oh… this is such a bitter-sweet story! Poor Peter. I can just feel the grief he has over losing his mother that I could cut it with a knife. So sad how his grief spilled over to his classmates.


  2. I love this main character – being nine and so experienced in the boyfriend department 😛 She’s just too young to understand his loss. Nice description of Peter returning – his appearance and mood.


  3. It’s so sad for a child to lose a parent and his mother’s death obviously hit Peter hard. His condition on returning to school is interesting. I suppose it could suggest that his father (or other relatives) were also grieving too much to bother about Peter’s clothes and appearance. Lovely descriptions from a child’s viewpoint about her first taste of young love.


  4. Such a sad story Dawn. I feel so sad for Peter losing his mother and I thought that maybe he wasn’t being looked after properly with his dirty clothes etc. Great ending sentence.


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