Friday Fictioneers: Desperate to Save his Marriage

Welcome to Friday Fictioneers where each week close to 100 people participate in a flash fiction challenge based on a photo prompt.
rainy-night

This week’s photo is provided by: © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

And now my 100 word story:

Jim and Marianne checked into their hotel. They unpacked and lay on their separate beds, quickly falling asleep from exhaustion.

Marianne stirred first an hour later. She stepped out onto the balcony and lit a cigarette, exhaling the smoke and the steam from her lungs into the evening air.

The sound of the door closing when she reentered the room woke Jim.
“What time is it?”
“6:00” she answered pouring herself a scotch.
“Do you want to go to dinner?”

She glared at her estranged husband. “I am here for one thing. You go. I’m waiting by the phone”

Disappointed, Jim was glad he had a plan B.

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56 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers: Desperate to Save his Marriage

  1. Dear Dawn,

    I liked, but didn’t like, the tone of this story. You had me squarely in the moment and the tension between them was palpable. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    PS His plan B has me a bit nervous.

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    • Originally I wrote this as their child being kidnapped. But then i needed to wrap it up. I felt like a husband staging his own child’s’ kidnapping just to get his wife back was a little preposterous so that went out with the edit. I was hoping it could be read as most any dastardly desperate ploy to get his wife back. But it only ended up being vague. Sorry for that. But thanks for reading! 🙂

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  2. I like ambiguity. I’ve decided the child has been kidnapped, he hoped it might bring them together but now he’s decided to risk his life to rescue the child himself. I don’t mind working for it… 🙂

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  3. I, like a few, wasn’t sure what the waiting by the phone meant; then decided it didn’t matter as I could fill in the blanks as I wished!

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  4. Love it…felt the tension mounting slowly…just that tone made me freeze. Depending how long they have been married, husband may need the entire alphabet 😉 I like it when it’s open ended…a lot like non-American movies. That’s reality. As a reader I would read a book several times at different times in my life and get a different ending depending where I am in my life…I like that.

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  5. I think she is waiting by the phone to get the call from the judge that will sign their divorce papers and make the split official. She doesn’t want to wait one moment longer than necessary so she’s not going to miss the call. He’s hoping to not end the marriage. He wants another chance and is hoping to get her off alone where he might be able to “talk some sense” in to her.

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  6. I was puzzled by the phone call, but it didn’t really matter. She has such an ice-cold aura, he can have a plan Z and it won’t work. I thought the feelings of desperation and indifference came over very well.

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  7. I didn’t understand either why she wanted to wait by the phone, but then I read the comments. It looks like he “will” need a plan B or even more. That’s one troubled marriage. Well done, Dawn. 🙂 — Suzanne

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